Do we ever graduate from therapy?
There has been an interesting mix of inputs to this month’s spotlight.
Firstly I was very honoured to be able to celebrate a therapy graduation with a client after six years nearly to the day. The key I believe to the therapy closure aka graduation was the consistent and dedicated work by the client outside the therapy space. They were honest, compassionate, collaborative and creative but most of all they owned and acted upon their own growth and wellness.
We had challenging sessions, they experienced deep sensations and emotions and they built their toolkit and support structures over time. They cleared out, gained clarity and accepted their personal story. They allowed me and others to scaffold their pain and learning.
In a different professional development conversation, a highly experienced colleague asked me if they were kidding themselves in thinking they could really help. I said they could truly help … but the client (YOU) need to be the centre of your own story and healing.
And again another angle …. I attended the comedy gala this year and watched a hilarious comedian talk about therapy. The profession that gives you the tools and says to do it yourself. They said… what if a tradesman did that…?
Our job is to do ourselves out of a job. We hold the space with you until you are resourced and confident to hold it yourself.
Life throws curve balls, maybe you’ll need therapy to top up one day, maybe you won’t.
And to this amazing client and all of you who show up each and every session…
The honour is mine.
And if you ever think you’re the only one who has fears and doubts about your capacity you are not alone. Always remember though…..that you have all that you need or the capacity to grow it….. we are designed that way.
This is a favourite poem of mine by Charles C.Finn.
Please Hear What I’m Not Saying
Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face that I wear. For I wear a mask.
I wear a thousand masks that I am afraid to take off, and none of them is the real me.
So don’t be fooled by me, I’m good at pretending.
I give the impression that I’m cool and confident, but inside, it’s different.
I’m not in command.
I’m often confused, lonely and desperately need someone to understand me.
But I hide and I don’t want anyone to know.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
I’m afraid to show the real me.
I’m afraid that you will not accept me.
I’m afraid that you will think less of me and laugh at me.
You see, deep down, I’m afraid that I’m nothing, that I’m no good,
And if you knew me, you would reject me.
So I play my game, my pretending game, and thus begins my parade of masks.
My life becomes a front to protect the real me.
I chatter idly to you about everything but tell you nothing of what’s going on inside me– my fears, my worries, my doubts.
So when I’m talking, please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying, what I’d like to say but I can’t.
I’d like to be genuine, honest and sincere, but I cannot without your help.
My trust grows very slowly, so you will have to be patient with me.
Each time you are kind, gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand, I am given new hope and I start believing in myself in a new way.
You let me see its o.k. to be me.
So I can take off the mask and be happy in your company, I can let you see the real me.
Who am I you may wonder? I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man and woman you meet
Charles C. Finn