(Trigger warning- If you have any reactions to the below topic, please raise in your own therapy session or call one of your local support services. You can also choose to not read this section)
This is a psychological term that seems to have hit the media in a big way. I thought it would be good to share some insights on this high profile topic.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health disorder classified in the DSM5 (the primary reference book for mental health diagnosis). NPD is a complex psychological condition that presents with a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. In short, there are “three Es” — exploitation, entitlement, and empathy impairment.
An exaggerated sense of self and the need for the spotlight is not NPD. NPD is actually rare, so what we are talking about are narcissistic behaviours.
There is a continuum of narcissistic or self-grandiose behaviours and traits.
A healthy self worth and the ability to state one’s own needs is a positive and necessary aspect.
An exaggerated need for attention, self absorption and disrespectful behaviours towards others is not ok. They may be an arse, but they are not a narcissist.
It is important in all scenarios to find and keep your own boundaries. Do not engage in the behaviours.
As the continuum progresses, there is coercive control and emotional abuse.
Behaviours here include:
- Isolating from your family or friends.
- Controlling what you eat, wear, or do.
- Controlling who you are allowed to see or spend time with.
- Preventing you from accessing support.
- Gaslighting (being manipulated into questioning your own perception of reality)
- Monitoring your behaviour (online or in person)
- Tracking you, for example, using your phone or car.
These behaviours are not ok. Safety and support is paramount here for anyone on the receiving end. And if you think you may be undertaking some of these behaviours, it is time to STOP and understand why you are and what else you can do.
Narcissism is also a part of someone, it is not the whole person. That can be useful to consider either if you think you have some narcissistic tendencies or if you are dealing with a narcissist and are confused by the variations that may show.
Resources:
With thanks to an amazing client, I was made aware of a new book released this year.
You’re Not the Problem
The Impact of Narcissism and Emotional Abuse and How to Heal. Katie McKenna, Helen Villiers
This book, practically explores narcissism and how to identify if you have been impacted. It then wonderfully leads into self help strategies and tools to strengthen and grow from the impact of narcissist behaviours. The book can be confronting, but it is also very open and clear.
It also has a strong thread of being parented by someone with narcissistic behaviours and anyone working with intergenerational trauma might find this of particular interest.