How do you know when to let go? Of a relationship, a behaviour or a belief. Are you holding on through habit, comfort, fear, guilt or maybe even hope.
I often think of the scene in Love Actually, when after showing card messages declaring his unrequited love for another, he stops, pauses and says…. “enough now enough”. So when you do know it is enough and it’s time to let go?
Think about what you are holding onto and ask some of the following questions:
- Who have I become while holding onto this?
- What will I lose if I let go?
- What will I gain if I let go?
- Is holding on giving me permission not to take a risk?
- Who might I become if I let it go?
- How does it feel in my body when I imagine letting go?
- What would '“holding it more lightly” look like instead of letting it go completely?
- Am I holding on because this still gives life to me, or because I don’t yet know who I’ll be without it?
- Have I truly given this every reasonable opportunity to grow, or am I considering letting go because change feels slow, uncomfortable, or uncertain?
- What is the first step I can take towards letting go?
Letting go is showing courage. The challenge is to explore and be curious about what serves your life now and what maybe served you in the past, but is no longer supportive of your future.
Letting go
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring: it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off; it is the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
Nelson Mandela (18 July 1918 - 5 December 2013)